This post doesn’t have a whole lot to do with running. Sorry. I haven’t run since my last post. First-it’s been too windy. Yes i’ll run when it’s minus 30 but not when it’s windy. Crazy-I know. I hate the wind. Second-I fell on the ice curling 2 weeks ago and hurt my back so even if this stupid wind would die down I wouldn’t be able to run anyway. Yes-my back STILL hurts. I wish it would let up. I’m signed up for a 5k on April 17th. Thank goodness its only a 5k. Hopefully I don’t make a fool of myself. I think i’m gonna try to just run through the pain (and this wind) tomorrow and see how it goes. I’m going crazy not being able run. I can’t sleep. Last night it was after 3 when I finally fell asleep. Tonight will be a late night too as its 12:02am and im wide awake. I have so much going through my head right now. I broke down crying Saturday night because I miss home. Keli held me for what seemed like forever and told me everything I needed to hear. One thing she said was “I think it’s time to go home.” As much as I hate hearing those words I think I needed to hear someone to say it. So now it’s all I can think about. Whether or not I should go home, and how long I should stay, and when I should go. I don’t want to go home. This probably isn’t making any sense to anyone reading this. Sorry. It’s just me rambling. I miss my family but don’t want to go home. I’m scared to leave this place. I’m happy. (most of the time anyway) I’m also scared because I got a message from the CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) I’m supposed to call them back. They have questions to ask me. I’m scared they’ll tell me I have to leave. I’m just scared. This is why I can’t sleep. Way too many thoughts going through my head. I try to just put it all out but I can’t concentrate on anything. I watched a movie with Keli and Grant tonight and couldn’t tell you anything about it other than it was about hockey. Couldn’t pay attention whatsoever. Usually when I can’t sleep I read but I just keep finding my mind wandering. Ugh. And I can’t even talk to my family about this because if I even mention coming home they will get their hopes up and they don’t understand that I don’t want to come home.

Advertisements